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Not exaggerating at all. Obviously the "go out and meet people" approach isn't going to work for me, both because I don't want to and because I would never have that kind of time.
But alas, I am an asexual romantic. I want a cuddle buddy. So do you think it's worth it to pay for asexual dating sites? I've tried the regular dating sites They are Not the websites necessarily, but the people who frequent them. Would I be wasting money? The two most popular ones are Ace-Book, which is free, and Asexualitic, which is paid. That said, unless you're fine starting off with a LDR, the odds of finding someone in your area are very very small - so no don't pay.
OKCupid has a large selection of asexual profiles, but you're likely going to be a ways away from another asexual. If you live in a small country asexualistic might be OK? IME most people don't want to pay for it and put their emails in their profile. There was no way to narrow it down to say, people in California unless that person was proactive enough to join a group. I got one local friend request from someone 10 years younger than me , all the others were English and Canadian. Ace-book's biggest age group is Which may or may not be good for you. It sounds like you feel you should date but you simply don't have the time or interest to do so.
Are you maybe giving into societal pressures? Forgive me if I hitting off base, though. I could be wrong with this conclusion.
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Though I think anyone would find all you accomplished very impressive. I have tried to use asexual dating sites, but just there wasn't anyone near me and close in age. So I had no success with them, but maybe you can get lucky and by lucky I mean by finding someone who fits your standards and is close to you in age. It does sound like you are crazy busy, and a lot of people in relationships can be needy. So if you are super busy and can't give attention the relationship can take a toll. The issue for me would be that I wouldn't likely follow through on it.
I would suggest that you give it a try.
But keep in mind you would likely not find anyone nearby and most likely you will end up in LDR. Based on your busy schedule, I would say maybe LDR might work in your favor. And I miss the east coast peeps. Also, LDR is good for introverts. The only downside of LDR is that it may take a while for either of you to move in together for cuddle relationship.
But its life, instant gratification doesn't always happen. You gotta work towards it. And don't forget AVEN, although its not a dating site, many here have formed friendships and are eventually dating. I don't really like dating sites, despite having alot of free time to invest i just don't feel like trying one. I have tried OKcupid and it was allright exept that you can get weird messages sometimes. Then there is Acebook wich is a nice way to meet others but i barely use it. If you are realy busy then a dating site might not be a thing for you,. You could try finding someone to talk to on Aven or maybe a LDR would be something to look in for you?
Good luck! I recently registered to OkCupid because it actually lists "asexual" as an orientation, but finding interesting people wasn't as easy as expected: There's a "hide me from the straight guys" option buried deep in your control panel, and that gave my inbox some peace.
I call it "tumblr mode" - my feed is now full of funky folks with piercings and neons hair and feminism.
Things asexuals really wish you'd stop asking them
So, I'd say, just try it and see how the people in your area are! And most importantly: You don't sound like you really have the time to be polite. I know you are keen on a romantic relationship, but since you are so busy and introverted - would it be worth considering a platonic cuddle buddy? That way it is a fairly low-commitment and low-investment relationship, and there would be less expectation on you to always be there for them.
Finding a good platonic cuddle buddy can take some time but thankfully I have two of them now. There seems to me some misconception that if we asexual people attach a romantic orientation to ourselves it makes us appealing to others. I don't care if you say you are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or whatever, no one else who is NOT asexual gives a crap about romantic orientations. If you want to date someone who is NOT asexual you are either going to have to have sex with them at some point or you are going to have to find someone willing to not have sex with you.
Put what you want on a dating app profile but don't complain after a few dates about someone ignoring it. If you can't deal with that you don't need to be on dating apps. I wouldn't say that I am giving in to pressure. I really do feel the need to have another person with me. I have considered this a lot really. I do realize that society is pushing me a bit. But underneath it all, I think I really do have that need. It's a romantic need for sure. Definitely not a sexual need. I tried OKC for a while but the creep factor was too much.
I can't tell you how many messages I got about guys who wanted to "fix" my ace-ness. I actually responded in your other thread too. Yes, but I don't know that I could keep it separated. You know how some people have trouble separating sexual and romantic feelings? I have that issue with romantic feelings and "romantic" activities. Even if it was platonic, I think it would become romantic for me. I know. It's unfortunate.
What It’s Like To Be Gay And Asexual In A Sex-Crazed World? / Queerty
I've tried dating sexuals. No offense to them, y'all are good people. But the pressure to have sex was just so intense. The people I have interacted with can't comprehend asexuality. Realistically, dating will never be as convenient for members of as minority sexual orientation as it is for heterosexuals. Gay people frequently move to larger cities with a better gay scene as soon as they move out of their parents' houses. The asexual scene is not very far along yet, because it's waiting for asexuals to create it. I think the answer is for asexuals to congregate somewhere and create asexual organizations and meeting places.
That's not to say you shouldn't use asexual dating sites, of course. But probably the best use of asexual websites is to organize the asexual community in the real world. How else is a demiromantic asexual going to get to know other asexuals well enough to fall in love with them? Maybe this doesn't seem like the most practical advice for a busy introvert, but they say if you want something to get done, ask a busy person. I can schedule like a pro.
Good points though nano. I will have to look into the ace community in my area. There is one, it's just not very active. I think that's very normal and understandable, and I can certainly relate. I often crush to some extent on all my close friends, so I've become used to it and learned how to manage those feelings. But I know that for some people that can be distressing and overwhelming.
Despite being asexual, I do enjoy physical intimacy and the sensual pleasure of kissing and foreplay. I may not get sexually aroused from these experiences, but I still enjoy the touch of another human being. However, because I am asexual, apparently I have no business in pursuing people because I'm basically teasing them and wasting their time.
- Things asexuals really wish you'd stop asking them - BBC Three.